Downfall
by Beyond The Sea x
Summary: A rape victim on the edge.


_Side Note; (yeah, I'm using 'side note' instead of 'author's note' now, so what?) So I've got this new little one shot that I hope you peeps like. :) It's not that long, granted, but I spent forever on it and put my brain in over-drive. It exploded on me. Anyway, it's just something simple, yet it isn't. There's no pairing, and for once, it has nothing to do with Casey or Elliot. :D I feel live I've grown as a writer... Haha. :p_

_People, you guys are awesome at reviewing, and I'm desperate to know what you all think about this one-shot, so please, leave me an opinion. I think I can take it. :) And all grammar/spelling mistakes are mine. I never use a beta :x_

_Disclaimer; I own the character that has no name. :) Oh, and just so you know, this is kinda half-inspired (and by half I mean two lines in the song) by Regina Spektor's "Samson". Great song, listen to it. The end. :)_

* * *

Of all the tiny little people below, not one notices her.

She's always been a pushover, she knows it. She gives in too easily, and people like to take advantage of that. She can never say no to anyone, no matter how they feel about her. Though, when she does say no, there isn't a soul to listen.

A lover with no love. A one-night stand gone wrong.

The one person she knew to go to was nowhere to be found, and had been that way for some time. Still is. So it was one night after that she found herself in a police station. It was cold and grey but she was too nervous to notice her surroundings. A kind voice and two cups of coffee later, she told her tale, the one with no descriptions, no detail.

Only small breakdowns give Detective Benson any knowledge. The first one was a series of rhetorical questions, questions that not only weren't meant to be answered, but couldn't be. The second out burst of a mixed emotion gave a little more away. She had put herself in the situation. Naturally, she blames herself. And naturally, Olivia told her that no means no, that they should have stopped when she told them to.

Yeah, they should have. But they didn't.

Olivia gave her a card, and received 2am wake up calls. There hasn't been any calls in some time, though. Every time she was about to truly speak, Olivia had to go. She took it as a sign, though she doesn't even believe in that sort of thing. The bridge burns before she can even begin to cross it.

She's been clinging to Olivia, she knows it, and though the detective says she doesn't mind, she knows better than to believe that. She clings to her because she likes her, she kind of looks up to her; she's pretty and smart and so nice, but it's clear she's still fragile, and she likes that part especially. She can relate.

She knows the poor woman is wanting to give up on her, but she can't due to an overly guilty conscience, and she knows her lack of words and emotions just frustrate Olivia.

Olivia will tell her she feels like every piece of advice she gives merely goes through one ear, and out the other. But it isn't true; she takes it to heart. She thinks about everything she says, always, but can't bring herself to do it. She refuses to see a doctor, to see if she's okay, because she doesn't want to know if she's not.

Olivia tells her that it's stupid, and that she isn't a stupid girl.

Therapy, counselors, hotlines. Out of the question. She doesn't want to speak, she can't. She doesn't know why she turns mute when anyone asks "What are you thinking?", why all she can do is shrug. But she knows that, when the few times she does talk, it's only to Olivia. She trusts her, a complete stranger, just because she was there. And Olivia will listen, then she tells her she needs to see a Rape Crisis Counselor, because there's only so much she can do, and the counselors can help. They know what it's like, they can help.

And it's every time the subject is mentioned that she knows Olivia is trying to hand her off to someone else, and she tries to say something, she tries so the detective can feel like she's actually getting somewhere. But nothing ever comes out. Where is she supposed to start? When is she supposed to end? What's she supposed to say?

In the end, Olivia sighs, and leaves, because she can. She can say that there isn't anything else she knows of to do or say, and Olivia can leave. And she'll bite her lip until it bleeds and scream until she can't. She just wants for someone to strap her to a fucking chair, and make her tell all. Make her say it, make her feel an emotion worth feeling. But how is she supposed to tell Olivia that she doesn't want to be passed around, that she wants her to stick with her through all of this?

How is she supposed to thank Olivia for being there in every way she can, and apologize for her own distance, her own selfishness?

She's forgotten about the fact that Olivia is trying to help her. Instead she's trying to please the woman. She'll lie. She'll tell Olivia that she's fine, that she's okay, and then she'll ly awake, imagining the end. She'll tell her these things when she's aching inside, when she needs someone the most.

Today is a better day.

She refuses to burden Olivia any longer, and she refuses to feel this way. Stubbornness isn't one of her favored qualities. For just a few moments now, the detective has been giving her many reasons as to why she shouldn't do it, but she can think of twice as many as to why she should.

"Oh yeah? Give me one, just one good reason."

She shakes her head. No. Whether it's a good reason to Olivia doesn't matter to her, because she already knows Olivia will say it's stupid, that it's not good enough. She looks down, and decides it's kind of pretty, in a way only a true New-Yorker can understand. She likes how, of all the tiny little people below, not one notices her.

She's standing on the edge, fifteen stories up. Palms open, as if they're trying to feel the air. She swears there's a bit of a breeze.

"Please don't do this," She can hear the desperation in Olivia's voice, and it's tearing her in two. Begging won't stop her, and the only person who's ever seemed to give a shit is there, doing the begging, making it harder than it has to be. Part of her wants to give in, to just fall back on the roof, and try again later, because who wants to witness a death? The other part wants to simply tune Olivia out, and fall forward.

"I promise you, if you don't give up, things _will _get better. I promise." Olivia continues.

If only she knew how many times someone has promised her the world, only to get her hopes up so they can crash and burn. Maybe then she'd understand. Of course she trusts Olivia, and she's trying to believe her, she is. But letting go seems to be an easier thing to do. Letting go seems to be the only thing to do.

The tight grip her high-tops seemed to have had, loosen, and she's gravity's problem now.

It's her sweetest downfall yet.

* * *

_Side Note; I realize the ending wasn't detailed, but I like it that way. :) And I know I could have done something more with Olivia's POV and what not, but I just wanted a rape victim's thoughts, that's all. _

_Credit goes to **Margaux (Cusswords (read her stories))** for the line about the burning bridge. And I'm gonna go ahead and say thanks to Cusswords and CNOVAK929 even thought you guys weren't that much help. I still appreciated it, though. :p If any of you guys like Criminal Minds or Higher Ground (or the crossovers) **CNOVAK929** has a good one. Oh, and one more thing: **cmaddict** is coming out with a new story that I can garauntee you all will love. It's an Original L&O/SVU crossover, so I highly suggest that you add her to your Author Alert list. Now, enough with the advertising thing..._

_If you liked, or didn't, review!? :) _

_P.S. **JennaLynne**: Thank you for all that you've done._


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